Ego? What Ego?
Tonight’s show (and indeed this tour) is a live, onstage version of Justin Hawkins’ acclaimed — and indeed revered — YouTube show, Justin Hawkins Rides Again. The second ‘Again’ in the title recognises that, against all odds, enough people have wanted to see the live version in the flesh that it has become financially viable for Justin to undertake a second tour. It’s a given that Justin is by no means shy, but are we perhaps complicit in merely giving him an excuse to extravagantly show off? Maybe.
Justin is not reticent about sharing the limelight with his band. Indeed, the opening line to his introductory video is, “in the beginning was The Darkness”. You can’t say fairer than that, can you squire? Apparently, Justin used to write jingles and music for adverts when his career wasn’t going so well. Thank goodness The Darkness are back to selling out arenas again. Can you imagine the number of cracking riffs and hooks that went to waste advertising cereals and other totally useless crap?
Three Chords, Several More Chords, and the Truth
Justin addresses the nature of the songwriting process and asks if there are any songwriters in the audience. I don’t put up my hand (to be fair, neither does anyone else), and my better half tells me off for not doing so. There’s a good reason I don’t own up to my undeniably ace songwriting skills: having not played for a while, the last thing I want is for Justin to drag me onstage to perform one of my masterworks.
Justin has been alone thus far but is soon joined by another guitarist, Ian ‘Soft Lad’ Norfolk. Before the duo embark upon Dead Flowers by The Rolling Stones, Justin asks whether we’re familiar with the phrase “three chords and the truth”. We are. If I remember rightly, it was a favoured phrase of Johnny Cash. Quite what it has to do with Dead Flowers I’m not sure, as that particular song contains far more than three chords. However, Justin explains how it uses a major-to-minor progression to great effect. It’s genuinely instructive.
Justin likes Gibson guitars. Indeed, he mentions them so frequently that he must be on some sort of commission deal. He’s playing a Gibson acoustic, while Soft Lad plays slide on a white Les Paul. Other Gibson guitars are available. They play other songs to demonstrate the major-to-minor progression, including Nobody Does It Better, Don’t Look Back In Anger and Creep. I’m not going to insult your intelligence by telling you who those are by.
The Muse Has a Wicked Sense of Humour
Sticking with songwriting, Justin tells us that nobody ever truly writes a song. The songs exist in the ether, fully formed — it’s simply a question of being visited by the muse, who transmits the song to the composer. Often, the muse (according to Justin) visits the wrong composer. How else can we explain Gary Barlow composing Back For Good? The muse clearly visited the wrong person. Before the interval, Justin leaves us with some wise words from Gary’s autobiography. I can’t remember what they were, but they were probably written by his ghostwriter.
Pop Quiz, But Make It Glam
When Justin returns, he does so mob-handed. He is joined by Mark Daly (who has just released an album titled Devils Arms and supported The Darkness in the US), Bobby Nerves (vocalist of Bad Nerves), Jim Moir (the artist formerly known as Vic Reeves), and his wife Nancy Moir (that’s Mrs Moir to you).
Together they play a game called “Cerebral Connections”. Justin and Soft Lad perform two songs, and the audience have to guess how they are linked. To be honest, you have to really know your stuff (and I thought I did) to get these — they’re not easy.
First up, The Whole Of The Moon by The Waterboys and Somewhere In My Heart by Aztec Camera. The link? The Whole Of The Moon is about Roddy Frame of Aztec Camera. Basically: how could someone so young (he was about 18) write such bloody good songs?
The next connection is more convoluted: My Generation by The Who and I Won’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me by Nik Kershaw. The link is the film Buddy’s Song, which features Chesney Hawkes singing a song written by Nik Kershaw, while the film stars Roger Daltrey of The Who.
Beer Guts, Man Boobs and High Culture
If this perhaps sounds a little dry on paper, it absolutely isn’t. The performances are accompanied by ‘glamorous’ (Justin’s word) dancers, including a drag act and a chap dressed in a silver outfit slashed to the waist, exposing an undeniably impressive beer gut and man boobs. All of this unfolds alongside the sort of sharp, quick-witted repartee you would expect from those involved. It is, at times, uproariously funny.
So… Are We Doing This a Third Time?
My only complaint? It didn’t go on for longer. Will the appetite of Justin’s public for this live incarnation be sated by this tour? I wouldn’t bet on it.
Mark Kelly
